


To Shatter the Invincible

by Scotland_Axel (orphan_account)



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Character Death, Grief/Mourning, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-19
Updated: 2018-01-19
Packaged: 2019-03-06 23:59:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13422381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Scotland_Axel
Summary: Sam is dead and Bucky helps Steve find the will to live without the man.





	To Shatter the Invincible

**Author's Note:**

> I've never written major character death and I wanted to attempt it. I think I could do better than this, so I'll probably do more later. Sorry!

Steve’s too busy staring unblinkingly at the wall to hear the door open. Even so when he flicks his eyes up to see Bucky there it’s not a surprise. There was only one week where Steve was left completely alone, and ever since then Bucky has come to check on him at least once during the day.

In the back of Steve’s mind he knows he should be grateful, but overall he’s annoyed. 

“Steve” Bucky says, and Steve knows he smiling sympathetically even without looking at him, “You should go outside today — it’s beautiful. We can just step out onto the balcony, sit in the sun a bit.” 

“No.” Steve croaks, the word bringing a sharp ache to his throat. He doesn’t speak much these days, and the word he says most is “no.” 

“I will drag you out of this bed if you make me. The sun will do you some good, okay? Trust me, it’s a miracle worker.” Bucky says, and Steve finally looks up at his friend.

There’s no pity in his eyes, just a sad understanding that means Bucky is determined to help him. Even if he can’t and there’s no such thing. 

Steve saves them both the fiasco of Bucky dragging him out onto the balcony, and throws the covers back, slowly sitting up.

Bucky winces and covers his nose, “Okay, maybe a shower first, and  _ then _ the balcony. The sun will still be there when you’re done.” Bucky jokes. 

Steve knows this is the part he would smile if he could, but if he attempts that he’s not sure the tears will stay at bay. So he rises to his feet without a word, brushing past Bucky to the bathroom. Steve doesn’t spend any time lingering under the spray of warm water. He gets in, washes the stink away, and gets out, drying off just as quickly and slipping into the clothes Bucky's left for him. 

The two walk out to the balcony and sit. Bucky was right of course, it's a beautiful day. Looking up at the wide open blue sky, Steve shakes his head — it's empty, it's all so empty. And the tears come. 

Steve hunches over, holding his sides as sobs start to rack his body and Bucky's hand holds his shoulder. 

He squeezes his eyes shut and cries so hard he feels he might break, tears running hot down his face as he gasps for air.

When Steve looks back up though the sky is still blue, and the sun is still shining, and nothing has stopped — nothing has changed, and Sam,  _ his  _ Sam is still gone. 

Steve forces himself to speak his mind since the funeral, and once he starts he can't stop. 

“Buck, I,” He swallows hard, “I loved him so much. I loved him as hard as I could love anything and in the end it didn't matter. Nothing fucking mattered. People like Sam they don't, they don't deserve something as ordinary as death, and somehow while loving him I forgot. His wings weren't real, he wasn't invincible, he could die like anybody else, but how was I supposed to know that?” Steve asks, hopelessly, and Bucky's face yields no answers.

“Sam was too good, too good to be of this world so I thought maybe he wouldn't succumb to it. I thought I could have him forever, I sure as hell didn't think I'd lose him this soon. 

“And now he's gone, he's not here and I am and I don't know what to do. It doesn't even feel worth it. We saved the world, but Sam can't enjoy it so what's the fucking point?” 

Steve sobs harder, and drops his pounding head into his hands.

“And it's so cruel to know the one thing I have to do is keep living. I can hear Sam saying it will be okay, just keep going, but this time I don't know if he's right.” Steve admits, and Bucky pulls him into his arms. “He is right, Steve. It will get better. I know you loved Sam — maybe more than you loved anyone, so it will be the hardest recovery you've ever made living without him, but you're strong enough to do it. And that strength didn't come out of a bottle,” Bucky whispers, squeezing him, “That came from a skinny kid in Brooklyn, and last I checked that kid could do anything.” 

Steve sits up and wipes the mess of snot and tears off his face with his sleeve. 

“Thanks, Buck.” Steve says, and for once breathing comes easy. 

Sam Wilson was the biggest love of his life, Steve’s incapable of forgetting him, and the most grueling fight will be living without the man, but it's one he will win. 


End file.
